Article
Article No.: 09-8
Article Title: How to Develop your EQ as a Trainer
Authors: Linda Gravett, Ph.D., SPHR, CEQC & Sheri Caldwell, Ph.D., SPHR, CEQC
With emotions being an absolutely necessary component of one’s
being, it is critical for the skilled trainer to be able to measure,
learn and then develop emotional intelligence. Using these
emotional competencies in a classroom setting or work environment,
for that matter, will allow the emotionally intelligent trainer to
better listen and assess a situation, to dig deeper and decide
accordingly, to take action and ultimately succeed.
While this is not an easy process, it can apply to almost every
facet of your life and is worth developing.
The Build-A-Bear Concept
Think about your favorite Trainer. Why does this person come to mind? Did
s/he make a considerable impression upon you? Did s/he really
know his/her material and leave you with something you can apply
elsewhere? If not, did this trainer at least leave you with an
extra “spring in your step” after speaking? Did s/he make you
laugh, cry, smile, or just think?
The point is, each person will remember someone different and for
a different reason. There is not one best way to train.
It depends. There isn’t one right way to train. It depends.
Each trainer will have their own unique characteristics that will appeal to
different participants, differently. Just like the long line
of kids waiting patiently to build their bear. Each one will
choose different components to make their bear special, and most
likely, no two bears will ever be the same.
“Building” your Trainer
So, what components do you want your ideal trainer to have? If you’re
already a trainer, you might already have some of the competencies we’ve
previously discussed. Perhaps you already possess excellent
listening skills, but you need to build your management skills.
Or, perhaps you’re a superb leader, but your emotional skills need
refined.
You’ve come to the right place. Acceptance is the first step, and you’ve
recognized you need assistance or at least refinement. After
all, we can always improve. So, you’re reading the right book.
Former football coach, motivational speaker and author, Lou Holtz, wrote a
book entitled, Do the Right Thing. In this book, Coach Holtz discusses the fact that
you don’t have to be the best or smartest at something in order to manage it. Often
times the technical competence can be outweighed by “doing the right thing.”
That’s the difference between a leader and a manager. James Kouzes and Barry Posner,
leadership gurus, write about five keys to success as a leader. These include:
- modeling how you want others to act on your values,
- inspiring a shared vision,
- challenging the usual processes for getting things done by searching for opportunities to innovate,
- enabling others to act by fostering collaboration and sharing power, and
- encouraging the heart, by which they mean recognizing the contributions of others and creating a spirit of community” (source).
You hear stories about teams who were the underdog and came from behind to win. Almost always there is a story about a player or coach who led the team to victory. Going back to Coach Holtz; he was in a position numerous times to play in the big game. His teams were normally not the favorite. Yet, when the players are asked how they did it, they say it was Coach Holtz’s inspiration. He led by example and motivated the team by telling them that others didn’t feel they should be playing in the big game. He challenged them to get beyond the naysayers and to make them believe in themselves. You can’t accomplish things like this without emotional intelligence.
Just the Facts
Trainers will face a myriad of situations where emotional
competencies will be required. While it seems pretty black and
white, and you just do what you’re told, the effective trainer will
take into consideration others’ opinions and perspectives.
Now, that being said, the trainer must also realize that “you can’t
please all of the people all of the time.” So, accepting that
you can only do your best to please the majority will allow you to
be open to feedback, yet cautious of the difference between the
facts and the emotions.
Remember, the Trainer has to buy into why s/he is there and convince
the participants that the session/message is worthwhile.
If you Build it, they will Come
Getting everyone’s buy-in and ensuring that they are on the same
page is critical to having a successful training. If the
trainer doesn’t believe in being there, surely the participants
won’t believe either. If the President/CEO doesn’t
participate, his/her managers won’t see why they need to attend,
hence the ripple effect.
Training is a misunderstood field, often viewed as a necessary evil. This attitude
can permeate not only throughout a training session, but also
through an entire organization.
So, motivation is one of the key components to developing the emotionally intelligent
trainer. Understanding that everyone is motivated differently
is the first step. Getting their buy in early on is one of the best
ways to ensure their participation and acceptance. Then, when
setbacks occur, which they usually do, the team is prepared to
overcome any roadblocks along the way.
For example, not too long ago, Sheri was coordinating a training session for
an employer. It was in a union environment, so the participants were not
motivated to attend. It didn’t impact their pay, and even if
the training were made mandatory, those not showing up would not be
punished, as they could just grieve any disciplinary action.
So, instead of requiring all employees to attend, just the salaried
employees were required to attend. Now, the union employees
thought the salaried employees were getting something extra, so they
wanted it too. They “bought” into the training topic and asked
to attend.
Once built, you need to “advertise” or properly communicate the plan. Without
communication, people won’t know about your training.
In that same example from above, now that the union stewards wanted to attend,
we needed to tell the other union employees more about the training, providing
some examples from the class, sharing evaluation comments from those
who attended, and offering multiple sessions in order to meet
everyone’s schedule. Since not everyone regularly checks their
e-mail at this organization, we not only sent an e-mail for those
that did check their accounts, but we also posted the notice of the
upcoming training by their time clocks and in the lunch and break
areas, as that was sure to get their attention. Their
anticipation grew, and they gladly attended the training that they
normally would have avoided or at least complained about.
Just like with motivation, communication is also a very complex task.
Not everyone will receive and/or retain communication in the same way.
The key, just like w/ motivation, is to try different things.
You may want to verbally announce an upcoming training session,
followed by an e-mail that is then posted in common areas (break
room, lunch room, rest rooms, etc.) Each method will be
interpreted in a different manner. One will be observed and
interpreted differently, one will imply a tone, and another may
leave it to the reader’s imagination. Much of this perception
depends on the trust of the “sender.” People tend to read less
into a message when they trust the person delivering the
communication.
Since emotions are a part of every interaction, your relationship with
the receiver will be a key factor in how the message is interpreted.
If this is someone you just met, the connection may or may not exist and
instead may be impacted by hearsay. Just like the Kindergarten
teacher who were told half the classroom was bright and the other
half needed attention. The self-fulfilling prophecy was indeed
in full force. The teacher treated her students differently
depending on what she was told without having actually experiencing
it herself.
The same is true with trust. As you grow to know the person, a relationship
develops as will your allotment of trust. So, in order to instill trust, you
will have to learn the person’s “hot buttons.” Knowing when to stay away or
when to dig deeper will allow you to become more aware of the situation.
Timing is everything. The same holds true with accepting responsibility.
Instead of pointing the finger at others, your willingness to acknowledge that
you could have responded differently, accepting blame or perhaps even the fact
that you may be misinterpreting the situation will show the other person that
you’re not trying to be threatening and that you want to address the emotional
involvement and be on the same page.
Walk the Talk
Okay, so you’re modeling how you want others to act, inspiring a shared vision,
challenging the status quo, fostering collaboration and sharing
power, and recognizing others’ accomplishments, basically “doing
right.” So now what?
Knowing what to do isn’t enough. Becoming a change agent is the next step.
You may recognize all the important characteristics of emotional
intelligence and may be fully developed as a trainer, but until
action is taken, you’re still “out in left field.”
This mindset is a risky one. There’s always danger involved with risk. From the
trainer’s perspective, identifying the need for change is critical
and realizing what the obstacles to the required change are
essential. Sensing a problem calls for action. Finding a
resolution is where you become a hero and show how you can
effectively tap into your emotional intelligence.
Think about the company who has a poor performer. The manager wants to save the
person, as it’s time-consuming enough to have to find a replacement.
Plus, the cost of turnover is already high, so it’s in the best
interest of the company to put together an action plan to “save” or
turn around the poor performance. Same holds true for the
trainer. Use your emotional skills to assess the situation and
determine alternatives. What needs to be done? What are
the consequences if something isn’t done? Anticipating the
reactions of those involved, as well as those not involved is also
required.
Put the plan together, present it, and make it happen by living
it and “walking the talk.”
Do Your Best
Once you understand your role as trainer and the importance of being a
change agent in making things happen whether in the classroom or for your
organization, you will have come to grips with accepting who you
are, what you’re capable of and what in turn you’re going to act
upon.
To become more personally competent, you need to become more
aware of your own feelings, not only recognizing them, but naming them.
Happiness, Sadness, Anger, Fear and Shame are the five core
emotions. One can name the emotion by paying better attention
to the physical signs that accompany a feeling. Because you’re
developing your emotional competencies, it’s okay to make a mistake.
As with any skill, practice makes perfect, and mistakes are allowed.
In fact, we learn from mistakes. Practicing allows us to
better identify and utilize emotions to our advantage.
Use your friends and family and even close colleagues.
Ask them to help you identify your “hot buttons.” Accept their
feedback and look for it in upcoming interactions. For example,
Sheri had a professor once tell her that she didn’t accept compliments.
He said it’s okay to say thank you vs. telling him that he was wrong
for giving the compliment. I couldn’t imagine what he was
talking about, but instead of telling him that I didn’t do that, I
started to pay attention to when I received compliments. Sure
enough, I would tend to say, “Oh, not really” or “It wasn’t me, " or
something other than thank you. From that day on, she learned
how to accept a compliment.
The reverse is also true. Think about the popular television show,
American Idol. Simon Cowell is known for being rude and obnoxious. Often
times what he’s saying is true, but it’s how he says it. The
emotionally intelligent contestant accepts his criticism and also
says thank you, acknowledging that he’s entitled to his opinion.
Again, everyone is different, and that’s what makes the world go
around.
So, to fully develop your emotional intelligence, write down
those behaviors that allow your emotions to get the best of you and
then confront them. If it’s allowing someone to leave a nasty
phone message, instead of respond via the phone, confront the person
face to face. Tell them how upsetting the phone message was,
and how important it is to you to get the issue resolved. Often
times the person leaving the message is more a coward than you, which
is why s/he left the message in the first place. (Hint:
check the time of the message. If it was after hours or at a time
the caller knew you wouldn’t be there, you will have the upper hand if you address
the situation in person).
Now, practicing such scenarios will not mirror reality in
that you will not have time to practice when confronted in real
life. You will need to respond in the spur of the moment.
However, your practice will enable you to think more quickly on
your feet and with time, your responses will become natural.
You can also clarify what you think the person is feeling.
In the phone message example, you could ask, “So what you’re saying
is that you’re upset the order is late?” The person may come
out and tell you that it wasn’t the timing as much as the price.
Now you’re getting somewhere. Not only does it help you avoid
misinterpreting their emotion, it also shows them that you’re paying
attention and that you want to help resolve the issue. That,
in and of itself, can go a long way.
As Dale Carnegie said, “When dealing with people, remember that you are
not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.”
Think about these numbers: “people experience an average of 27
emotions each waking hour. With nearly 17 waking hours each day, you have
about 456 emotional experiences from the time you get up until the
time you go to bed. This means that more than 3,000 emotional
reactions guide you through each week and more than 150,000 each
year! Of all the emotions you will experience in your
lifetime, nearly two million of them will happen during working
hours. It’s no wonder that people who manage emotions well are
easier to work with and more likely to achieve what they set out to
do (Bradbery & Greaves, 2005).
If you have any questions or need more information about this article, please complete our Contact Form, or contact Dr. Gravett by telephone at 513-753-8870 or e-mail info@gravett.com.